80's Hit Song Review: "Europa and the Pirate Twins" by Thomas Dolby (1983)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 67 (Originally released in his native U.K. in August of 1981, wasn't released as a single in America until in the spring of 1983 on Capitol Records, and peaked in late June of 1983)

Backstory: Dolby released this single as the one of the first singles off of his debut album, The Golden Age of Wireless. It peaked at No. 48 in his native U.K., No. 45 in Canada, and No. 67 here in the U.S. It was also a Top 40 success on the U.S. Top Rock Tracks Chart, peaking at No. 37. Dolby wouldn't release "She Blinded Me With Science" until a year later after the original U.K. release of this single, in October of 1982. His only other U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Chart entry besides this tune, and of course, "Science" , is 1984's "Hyperactive". Dolby would continue to release much more albums over time, and he even became the music director for TED in 2001 and is still their music director to this day. Dolby even created the famous Nokia ringtone. Overall, Dolby is one very busy yet talented man.

The Review: I have always loved this New Wave tune. It's catchy but still kind of soft. With lyrics referring to a real life story in which a young Dolby met a girl who, in some time after that, he would never see again because she moved away, I believe, back to her home country, along with lyrics referring to early 1940's and 1950's type war technology, you know you're in for quite an interesting New Wave treat. The synths and occasional sound effects are also awesome. Should've been a Top 40 hit here in the States. Simply brilliant and breathtaking.

Final rating: 10/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune.

Godawful Fanfiction No. 2: Joe Blevins Gets Trapped In A Gas Station Bathroom

Joe Blevins was just getting done using the restroom in a gas station on his vacation to San Francisco during the middle of the night and was about to pull open the door, but it just wouldn't budge open. He tried this for about seven minutes straight and it still didn't work. Joe tried yelling for help, but it didn't work, and his cell phone had no connection inside of the restroom. So Joe just tried to stay positive. Luckily, the bathroom wasn't too dirty unlike many other gas station restrooms, so Joe thought to himself, "I could try to sleep with my pillow and small blanket on the ground here." So Joe turned on his flashlight and took out his pillow and small blanket and tried to go to sleep. He was able to do so quickly and calmly. At about 4:30 in the morning, the song "I Do the Rock" by Tim Curry came on the speakers unexpectedly in the bathroom, scaring Joe a bit, but after realizing it was just a song, he started bobbing his head up and down to the catchy beat. He then went to sleep about 3 minutes after the song finished. At 6:30 in the morning, the same thing happened again, but this time the song playing over the speakers was "I'll Drink To You" by the rock band, Duke Jupiter. This shocked Joe as well, but he bobbed his head up and down to the music again. Then, it was 8:00 in the morning and Joe turned on his flashlight, only to notice a slight light coming thru the bottom of the door. He tried banging again for help, and finally somebody helped him. But, this wasn't just some kind of stranger. It was Seth Rogen, the famous comedian and filmmaker. Seth said, "You OK man?", and Joe replied with, "Oh my god, you're Seth Rogen!" Seth replied with, "Yes I am", and "That's terrible that this door can't even open. I had to use a special lock picking tool to get you out." Joe just laughed and said, "Yeah, it was a strange night." Seth then said, "Bye", to Joe and Joe said, "Bye", back to him. Then Joe continued his trip in San Francisco.

The end.

Yet another crappy story, huh Joe? LOL

80's Hit Song Review: "Life Gets Better" by Graham Parker (1983)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 94

Backstory: British singer and guitarist Parker released quite a few albums before releasing this single off of his album, The Real Macaw. It was a really minor blip on the Hot 100 for only two weeks, but was a Top 40 success in Australian, peaking at No. 35 on the Australian singles chart. Parker would release a lot more music over the years and tour often as well.

The Review: Yet another great 80's song I can't believe stalled so gosh darn low on the Hot 100. This is easily one of his all time best songs, so I'm just shocked that this tune stalled so low. The positive message, the strings, and guitar make this tune an overlooked masterpiece. Such a bummer it peaked so low here in America.

Final rating:9/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

60's Hit Song Review: "Day After Day (It's Slippin' Away)" by Shango (1969)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 57

Backstory: This American rock quartet formed originally as Renaissance in 1968 with a one shot single called "The Hi-Way Song" which didn't chart. A year later, they changed their name to Shango. The line-up consisted of Tommy Reynolds (later known for being in Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds), Richie Hernandez, Malcolm Evans, and Joe Earle. They scored their one and only hit in 1969 with this unique rock song that made fun of people who thought that California was going to get destroyed by an earthquake. It was actually a bigger hit in Canada, peaking at No. 39 on the Canadian RPM Charts. They only released two albums and eventually disbanded in 1970. Reynolds moved almost immediately to Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds soon afterwards.

The Review: This is a fun little tune with humorous lyrics about Los Angeles probably going to eventually get destroyed by an earthquake. But the calypso sound and interesting instrument usage is easily what makes this song awesome. Should've been a Top 30 hit or even bigger.

Final rating: 9/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "Heartline" by Robin George (1985)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 92 (Released in George's native U.K. in 1984, wasn't released as a single in the U.S. until a year later)

Backstory: British singer and guitarist George (real last name Sidebotham) released his debut album, Dangerous Music in 1984 on the Bronze Records label. A year later, this single released off of that album charted here in the States. Although it was a modest success on the Mainstream Rock Charts, peaking at No. 40 there, it was just a minor blip on the Hot 100 for two weeks. It was his only ever U.S. hit. George wouldn't release anymore music until the early 2000's, including albums such as Bluesongs and Rogue Angels.

The Review: How in the world did this song stall so damn low on the Hot 100!? Everything needed in a great hard rock song are here: a badass guitar, hard rocking' vocal work, and absolutely fantastic production. Shame it stalled so low. Should've made the Top 30.

Final rating: 9/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

60's Hit Song Review: "Everybody Knows Matilda" by Duke Baxter (1969)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 52

Backstory: Not a whole lot is known about Baxter (his real name is James Blake, he also goes under different names such as Dudley Ford Baxter and Jim Shaman.) This was his only U.S. Billboard Hot 100 chart entry, peaking near the Top 50. It was a hit in Canada as well, peaking at No. 58 on the RPM100 Chart. Baxter, however, is most likely an Australian. He released two albums, one in 1969 and one in 1977 on VMC and AVI Records. He also wrote a couple of songs for the groups The Rob Boys and Revelation, such as "Cotton Candy Weekend."

The Review: This song is a just absolutely fantastic pop rock record. Baxter has a great voice, and I love the drums, strings, and guitar in this tune. Should've been a Top 10 hit, bummer it stalled near the middle of the Hot 100 Charts.

Final rating:10/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "Shiny Shiny" by Haysi Fantayzee (1983)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 74

Backstory: This highly bizarre British pop and New Wave trio was formed in 1981, and consists of Kate Garner (born on July 9th, 1954 in Wigan, Lancashire), Jeremy Healy (born on January 18th, 1962 in Woolwich, London), and Paul Caplin (born on December 31st, 1954 in London). Their music was like a cross between Bow Wow Wow, Adam and the Ants, Total Coelo, Dexy's Midnight Runners, and Bananarama. Their music combined reggae, country, and even a bit of early hip hop to create a truly bizarre yet unique style of New Wave music which even poked fun at many political and social issues. Both Garner and Healy were known for their odd yet unique fashion sense, with Healy even looking sort of like Boy George. They released their first single, "John Wayne is Big Leggy" in 1982, which peaked at No. 11 on the UK Singles Chart. This third single was their only ever U.S. hit, but despite the fact that it was a minor hit here in the States and got very minimal radio airplay, the music video got quite a bit of airplay on MTV and other music video based TV series, such as Rockamerica and Australia's rage. They only released one album, Battle Hymns For Children Singing on RCA Records in 1983. They do, however maintain a cult following among both British and American fans of New Wave music. I even own their one and only album on a remastered CD.

The Review: Where the heck do I even begin with this song? The whole thing is pretty gosh darn bizarre. With nonsensical lyrics poking fun at nuclear war (hence the song title), and even the memorable line, "...I'm a hot retard...", you damn well know that this tune is about to blow your entire mind up. The instruments consist of fiddles, violins, and even spoons for drum-like instruments. I'm not surprised that this tune wasn't too big of a success here in America, but my God, is it brilliant and creative. Should've honesty been a Top 10 hit. The music video is equally as great and entertaining (above.) The conservative British YouTuber Mr. Paul Joseph (WELL IMAGIN MY SHOK!) Watson may find this tune and band to be interesting. LOL.

Final rating: 10/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "Running Scared" by The Fools (1981)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 50

Backstory: This rock band best known for their wacky original novelty songs, covers, and parodies, among with basic non-funny rock tunes, was formed in Ipswich, Massachusetts in the mid 70's. In 1979, they released a parody of the Talking Heads "Psycho Killer" called "Psycho Chicken". In fact they even made the original version of the Dr. Demento classic tune, "Life Sucks, Then You Die" later in 1985 off of their great World Dance Party album on the independent PVC Records label. In 1980, they released their first hit single off of their album Sold Out on EMI America Records called, "It's A Night For Beautiful Girls". It peaked at No. 67. A year later, they released this cover of the Roy Orbison No. 1 classic from 1961, where it peaked right smack dab in the middle of the Hot 100, becoming their second and last hit song. They still perform regularly to this day, and a humorous book called Psycho Chicken and Other Foolish Tales was even written about them by author Mike Girard, and it was released in 2010. They're definitely an interesting group that you should totally check out.

The Review: This is an absolutely great and faithful rendition of the Roy Orbison classic. Should've been a Top 30 hit. While the cover version doesn't really add anything new or more, it is still a brilliant short and sweet listen. Wish I owned the single.

Final rating: 9/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "If It Ain't One Thing, It's Another" by Richard "Dimples" Fields (1982)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 47

Backstory: Fields was born in 1941 or 1942 in either New Orleans or San Francisco (Not too much is known about his early life, unfortunately). He began singing professionally in the early 70's, purchasing a San Francisco cabaret called the Cold Duck Music Lounge, where he headlined. He got his "Dimples" nickname from a female admirer who remarked that he always had a smile on his face. He signed to the new defunct Boardwalk Records label in 1981, when he then recorded his first R&B hit, a cover of the Penguins classic 50's one hit wonder, "Earth Angel" during that same year. The following year, he released this breakthrough single which went all the way to No. 1 on the R&B Charts and made it near the Top 40 on the Hot 100. Despite having some more R&B Chart hits, this song would be his one and only Hot 100 Chart entry. He even worked as a record producer with artists such as the Ohio Players and even Pat Benatar. After having many unsuccessful releases, he released some more music simply under his "Dimples" nickname on the Columbia and Life Records music labels. Sadly, he died on January 12th, 2000 as the result of a stroke.

The Review: R&B was never really quite a quote-on-quote "weird" or "bizarre" musical genre, but while this song definitely isn't really strange or weird, the lyrics and spoken word content definitely make this tune a bit unusual. From Fields rambling about having an ugly girlfriend giving birth to his child, to his need of having to read the Holy Bible, this song has lyrics that are literally just all over the place and rather depressing, such as, "...phony ego trips, everyone has flipped..." and "...suicide is way up..." just show you how odd and depressing the lyrics of this song really are. Another good name for this song could've been "Life's Many, Many Problems, Bad and Egotistical Power Hungry People, and Depression, Money, and Living Problems in America Today." Fields voice is smooth and a bit corny, but the backup singers are pretty soulful and fine and the strings and soft instruments make this tune a fine yet somewhat odd R&B listen. I think the reason why this song may of been this successful is just because of how different it was for a soft extended R&B style tune. Either way, it's a very interesting and even somewhat cool and unique listening experience. And that is exactly why I decided to review this tune.

Final rating: 7/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners (1982)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 1

Backstory: This British Celtic folk, pop, soul, and "New Wave" band was formed in Birmingham by Kevin Rowland in 1978 and released their first album, Searching For the Young Soul Rebels in 1980, which included the No. 1 U.K. single, "Geno". Two years later, this single was released off of their 2nd album, Too-Rye-Ay and became a gigantic No. 1 smash hit in both America and their native U.K. This was their only ever Top 40 hit here in the States, making them a one hit wonder. Their only other Hot 100 entry in the States was a really minor hit called, "The Celtic Soul Brothers", which peaked at No. 86. They would release two more studio albums, Don't Stand Me Down, in 1985, which was panned by many critics at first, but over the years has gained acclaim and a cult following, like Weezer's Pinkerton. They released a 4th studio album, One Day I'm Going To Soar, in 2012 and still tour to this day. Despite minimal success here in the States, they have a pretty big cult following here.

The Review: Has any 80's music fan never heard of this song before!? It's EASILY one of the most iconic 80's hit songs of the entire decade, and ANY decade, in fact, period. This song is honestly my all time favorite one hit wonder. A song that still gets plenty of radio airplay to this very day, I'm not surprised by its success. But, you have to admit, this was a bit of a different kinda tune, especially for the early 80's. I mean, with the fiddles, violins, and an occasional banjo with a Celtic folk influence, this was definitely something quite special, brilliant, iconic, and amazing. This song even knocked Michael Jackson off the No. 1 spot for a week. Just a timeless amazing piece of music.

Final Rating: 10/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

60's Hit Song Review: "Camel Back" by A.B. Skhy (1969)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 100

Backstory: This American electric blues band from Milwaukee, Wisconsin was formed in 1968. They were originally called New Blues before renaming themselves A.B. Skhy once they relocated to San Francisco. They released two albums before they split up in the early 1970's. This single, from their self titled debut album, was their only song to ever chart on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 or Bubbling Under the Hot 100 Charts, peaking at the rock bottom position, No. 100 on the Hot 100. The band does however have a small cult following and fanbase. After the members had split up, some of them went on to perform with Harvey Mandel and the Grateful Dead. Group member James "Curley" Cooke went on to play with Boz Scaggs.

The Review: I've always absolutely loved this track. The loud and groovy horn intro, the electronic keyboards, drums, and occasional guitar just fall into place perfectly like a great and yummy meal of any kind. Simply brilliant. Can't frickin' believe it stalled at the very bottom of the chart. Definitely an interesting group.

Final rating: 10/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "Beg, Borrow, or Steal" by Hughes/Thrall (1982)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 79

Backstory: Hughes/Thrall were a musical duo consisting of Glenn Hughes of Deep Purple and Trapeze fame and Pat Thrall, who had some success with the Pat Travers Band. This minor hit single was released off of their only album, which was a self titled debut off of the short lived Boulevard Records label. Despite the fact that the album was unsuccessful, it was critically acclaimed and is now something of a cult classic kind of 80's rock album. Both Hughes and Thrall, unfortunately, were addicted to some drugs during that same time, causing their reputations to go somewhat downwards. Luckily, both recovered and went on to make much more music after this album.

The Review: I've always really, really liked this song. The loud guitars, drums, and keyboards just kick you in the face, and Hughes vocal work is spot on hard rock bangin'. Great tune. Could've made the Top 40 if it was promoted much better.

Final Rating:9/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.

80's Hit Song Review: "Very Special" by Debra Laws (1981)

U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position No. 90

Backstory: Laws was born on September 10th, 1956 as the 7th out of 8 children to Hubert Laws, Sr. and Miola Luverta Donahue. Growing up in a family full of singers and musicians, Laws definitely learned a lot from her siblings and parents. In 1981, she released this single which is the title track of her debut album, also titled Very Special. Despite peaking all the way up at No. 11 on the R&B Charts, it surprisingly stalled very low on the Hot 100, becoming her one and only Hot 100 Chart entry, although she would have quite a few other songs on the R&B Charts. Laws still occasionally tours, usually with a few of her siblings. But people who grew up in the 2000's know Laws song due to the uncleared sample Jennifer Lopez used in her 2003 hit ,"All I Have," in which Laws later tried to sue Sony Music Entertainment/Epic Records for, but lost.

The Review: I've always really liked this soft and mellow R&B tune. Laws has a great, soft, and soulful voice, and the call and response type vocals with her older brother Ronnie are also very fine and a nice touch. I'm really surprised this song stalled so low on the Hot 100. I wouldn't peg it for a Top 10, but it definitely deserved at least a Top 40 showing. I still occasionally hear this tune on old school radio stations in my town. Really good tune.

Final rating:7/10

And as always, don't forget to comment down your opinion on this tune below.